Ep. 115 - Why empathy is a super power with Dr. Michele Borba

MindsetMotherhood Toolkit
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Sponsored episode in partnership with Barbie.

Commissioned by Barbie and led by Cardiff University, ‘Exploring the Benefits of Doll Play through Neuroscience’ is the first scientific study using neuroscience to explore the positive impact doll play has on children. Through Neuroscience, research found that doll play activates brain regions that allow children to develop empathy and social information processing skills, even when playing by themselves.

In the episode, I speak with Dr. Michele Borba, who is a world-renowned parenting expert and author of 22 books. Dr. Michele is known as ‘America’s most trusted parenting expert’, and her most recent book, UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed In Our All-About-Me World, helps parents to develop empathy in their children.

We have a fantastic conversation all about empathy, and why exactly it is a super power.

I hope you enjoy the episode and as always, we continue the conversation over on Instagram, so do come and join us there. For more information on the study please visit barbie.com/en-gb/benefitsofdollplay

You can download a transcript of this week’s episode here.

Key takeaway’s from this week’s episode:

Defining Empathy:

  • Empathy makes a child happy and successful. (03:13)

  • It is the ability to feel with another human being. (03:32)

  • We shouldn’t think of empathy as soft and fluffy. It is transformational. (03:51)

The Empathy Advantage:

  • Many scientific studies show that empathy can result in better mental health and resiliency in kids. (04:16)

  • It is an antidote to prevent bullying and racism. (04:50)

  • Empathy is powerful in many ways. (05:13)

  • Children are hardwired for empathy, but parents should cultivate it. (05:24)

Importance of Nurturing Empathy:

  • Dr. Michele shares research showing that kids are hardwired to care. However, it will remain dormant if parents do not intentionally nurture it. (05:57)

  • Research shows that empathy is going down while narcissism is going up. (06:31)

The Lack of Empathy:

  • Dr. Michele calls narcissism or self-absorption the selfie syndrome. (06:47)

  • Digital devices such as smartphones can affect emotional literacy, but this is just one dimension to it. We are more isolated in our communities. (07:04)

  • Parents are also more concerned about test scores, and this resonates with how kids behave. (07:34)

  • Play, like role-playing, is not given much importance. However, play can activate empathy. (07:56)

  • Children also do not read for pleasure enough. Reading fiction is a great way to get into the shoes of other people. (08:08)

Raising Empathetic Kids:

  • Teaching empathy is simple. The first way is to model it yourself. (09:31)

  • Let kids know that kindness matters. Reinforcing kindness helps them develop a kindness mindset. (10:36)

  • According to Barbie’s research, playing with dolls, whether children are playing by themselves or with someone, can activate empathy. Through doll play, they are able to make sense of their world. (10:50)

Why You Should Encourage Play:

  • Children usually re-enact their experiences in play. Play with your kids and create scenarios that encourage social information processing skills. (12:48)

  • Letting a child play with a doll can help them develop self-regulation and the ability to step into the shoes of someone else. (14:40)

  • Dolls in different colours, races and other characteristics can teach diversity. (15:03)

  • When children are open to and embrace differences, they can come up with commonalities and their hearts are more open. (16:33)

  • People-connectors are more likely to live a longer and healthier life. (18:26)

How Parents Can Broaden Horizons:

  • Dr. Michele did a lot of time reading and talking about natural kindness with her children when they were still young. (19:46)

  • Start with yourself. Expand your horizons. (21:08)

  • Movies and books can help kids step into different kinds of diversity. (21:21)

  • Museums can also develop a broader sense of the world in kids. (21:53)

How to Help Children Connect with Their Feelings:

  • Emotional literacy is the gateway to empathy. (22:41)

  • Help children talk about feelings and put them into context. (23:01)

  • Children can mirror your feelings and those from illustrations in books. (23:21)

  • Teach your children to listen to people’s voices and watch their body language. (24:05)

  • Talk about feelings naturally, regardless of age and gender. Point them out. (24:38)

3 Kinds of Empathy:

  • When you over-empathise or give too much at your own expense, it is called compassion fatigue. (26:22)

  • Dr. Michele explains that there are three kinds of empathy: affective empathy, cognitive empathy and empathetic concerns. (26:52)

  • We should aim for empathetic concerns, wherein you recognise emotions and are more likely to step in. (27:47)

Empathy vs Sympathy:

  • Sympathy is feeling for someone. Empathy is feeling with someone. (29:00)

  • With sympathy, your child just sees emotion, but they do not step in to do something about it. (29:09)

  • When you role-play with dolls, you can rehearse the empathy model. (29:21)

Teaching Empathy to Eliminate Bullying:

  • Dr. Michele believes that the best antidote to bullying is empathy. (30:34)

  • There is a better chance of stopping bullying if children know how to step in and speak out. (30:57)

  • Processing bullying situations with children can help build moral courage and enable them to stand up for bullying victims. (31:40)

  • You can start teaching your kids as early as age 2 through doll play. (32:52)

What Can Change Through Empathy:

  • Empathy can shape better leaders. (33:19)

  • It can also change mental health. (33:29)

Tips to Cultivate Empathy:

  • Find like-minded parents and pass around children’s books about empathy. (34:02)

  • Make a family giving box where the whole family can fill it up with things that can be passed on or donated. Kids will begin to see that they are givers. (34:31)

  • Teach children the ‘2 Kind Rule’, in which they say or do at least two kind things to somebody every day. Talk about the kind things they did over dinner. (36:01)

  • Identify what traits you want to see in your child, and find ways to weave it in your life—from playing and talking to modelling and reading a book. (38:47)

  • Reach out to other parents and get ideas on how to raise a strong, caring generation of kids. (39:48)

Resources mentioned in this episode:

About Dr. Michele

Dr. Michele Borba is a world-renowned parenting and child development expert and an expert in empathy. She is the author of 22 books, and her latest book is called UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed In Our All-About-Me World, a guide to developing empathy in children. Dr Michele has travelled around the world to share her advocacy on parenting and empathy.

Learn more about Dr. Michele and her work through her website. You may also follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

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