Ep 218 - How good people mess up their marriages with Matthew Fray

Hey everyone, welcome to this episode of the Motherkind podcast, the show that's going to help you navigate the massive challenges of life as a modern mother with more confidence and clarity.

This week's episode is all about relationships. That is what we're going to be talking about with the brilliant author Matt Fray.

So you think you're a good person, you genuinely love your partner and you try to do the right thing. So why are you struggling in your relationship? Why do you and your partner feel unhappy? Why do you maybe feel disconnected? Or perhaps you've even thought about divorce?

These are the exact questions that he asked himself after his marriage had ended. He was a good guy. He loved his wife, he was doing what he thought he should, be doing in a relationship. And yet one day his wife came to him and asked for a divorce.

After that, Matt began a journey of self reflection to understand what went wrong. He wrote a now viral article called My wife divorced me, because I left dishes by the sink, and then a best selling book called This is how your marriage ends.

What he learned is incredible. And I think pretty life-changing stuff. He saw that what happens in most relationships, particularly in relationships of good people who really do love each other, is that we engage in a series of small habits and dynamics that over time, erode safety and trust.

We talk about:

• the questions he asked himself after his marriage had ended

• how good people can become good partners

• habits that kill relationships

• how to build safety, trust, and life long love.

I absolutely love this episode, Matt was a joy to talk to you and I was writing ferocious notes as we spoke. I am sure you're gonna love it.

SPECIAL THANKS TO ATHLETIC GREENS - THIS WEEK’S SPONSOR

We are grateful to Athletic Greens for sponsoring this episode of the Motherkind podcast. I use AG1 every morning. With 75 whole food-sourced ingredients designed to optimize 5 key areas of health, AG1 is the delicious daily habit that sets you up for a healthy future. Invest in your health without compromise! Visit athleticgreens.com/motherkind to get a FREE year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase.

FREEBIE! Find out how you can take control of your life, reconnect to you and more! Download ‘10 Ways to Reconnect to You’ and our weekly and monthly check-in on Motherkind.co.

Are you ready to find freedom from guilt? Let me help you find Freedom from Perfectionism if you are a mother who has ever felt not quite enough.

Come follow us on Instagram for tips and announcements.

About Matthew Fray

Matthew Fray is a relationship coach and writer who leans on the lessons of his failed marriage and subsequent divorce to help others avoid making the same mistakes. He has written for publications including the Sunday Times, Daily Mail and Sun and been featured in The New York Times and on BBC radio. His blog Must Be This Tall to Ride has a dedicated following, reaching millions of followers.