Ep. 83 Courtney Burg - Understanding Boundaries

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People need boundaries to stay grounded and maintain their reserves of energy. Without limits, life can be messy and tricky. Boundaries also teach people to prioritise their feelings over the emotions of other people.

In this week’s episode, Courtney Burg talks about boundaries, their importance, and the challenges associated with setting limits. Courtney also shares essential guides on how a person can set boundaries for self-improvement and healing. Listen in to the episode and read some of the key takeaways from our conversation below.

You can download a full transcript of this week’s episode here.

As always, we continue the conversation over on Instagram, so once you’ve listened to the episode, come and join me there.

Key Takeaways From this Episode:

The Healing Process:

• Courtney recovered from addiction through the 12-step programme. Her sponsor is a close friend. She also resorted to journaling and exercising. (08:13)

• It is advisable to try new things. Trying new things is essential for self-rebuilding and renewing. (09:13)

• Technological advancements have allowed the accessibility of different methods of healing. Now, people can talk about their issues with other people who can relate to them and who can help them. (10:00)

Understanding Boundaries:

• Often, people think limitations or ultimatums set out of anger or vindictiveness qualify as boundaries. However, they don’t. (10:33)

• There is a long list of boundaries that we utilise that, without our knowledge, give power to other people instead. But we realise it once we start feeling anxious, stressed and depressed. (11:25)

• These feelings are brought by a lack of boundaries or inability to implement limitations in our lives. This inability stems from our inner child, the people-pleasers. (11:41)

Having Boundaries:

• It takes practice to have boundaries. It is normal to feel guilty when setting limits for the first time. (12:21)

• Part of not having boundaries is the constant need for other’s approval. Courtney felt that if she had limitations, the significant people in her life would leave. (13:11)

• Letting go of those wrongful beliefs allowed her to engage in deep and authentic relationships with people who matter. (13:27)

Dealing with Pushback:

• You cannot always make everybody happy or proud of you. Be comfortable with being uncomfortable. You will then be comfortable in setting boundaries. (20:31)

• You can recognise other people’s happiness without sacrificing your own. You are not responsible for other people’s needs and issues. (22:02)

• Setting boundaries is challenging, but it does not mean it is wrong. (23:41)

• When dealing with pushback, try writing a journal to sort out your feelings. (24:09)

Raising Children with Boundaries:

• Parents must teach their children to have boundaries, especially at an early age. (24:39)

• Children do not need approval or adoration all the time. Parents can teach the act of sharing without forcing the children to share. (26:03)

• Parents must evaluate the way they are raised to correct unwanted behaviours. In this way, they will not enforce to their children the same practice enforced to them. (28:13)

Dealing with Resentment:

• When you do not have boundaries, you will be resentful because you are not honest with your feelings. (35:14)

• Having boundaries makes you more connected to people because honesty becomes the foundation of the relationship. (36:11)

Setting Boundaries:

• Spend at least five minutes each day to reflect on your life and ask yourself, ‘What is it that I need?’ Spending alone time is crucial to remain grounded. (38:26)

• Boundaries are like love letters because it lets you be vulnerable and honest with the people in your life. (46:33)

About Courtney

Courtney Burg, a wife and mother to two beautiful daughters, lives in South Florida. Six years ago, she had an addiction to drugs and alcohol. Five months into her marriage, Courtney went to rehab. Now, she is writing about her experience online in the hopes of helping people who have experienced the same.

Find out more about Courtney and her work on her website Mombo Jombo.