Ep. 97 How to find peace of mind in a pandemic with Sandy Newbigging

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What a time we are in right now. I hope this finds you, and your loved ones, safe and well.

This week, I’m speaking with Sandy Newbigging. Sandy is a modern day monk - he teaches meditation and helps people to find calm in amongst their daily life. He’s the author of 12 books and has a number of incredible offerings online via his website.

As mums, it is even more challenging for us right now. I’ve been calling it the perfect storm for parents. Life doesn’t stop just because of a global crisis. We may be feeling overwhelmed with fear ourselves and the burden of deciding how to handle matters with our kids, especially with their education. How can we transform that fear and stress into freedom and peace?

In this week’s episode, Sandy shares that the only thing we can control right now is our mindset. The place to find peace is the present, and when we leave the present, this is when we tend to fall into stress and fearful thinking. Sandy shares lots of tips to help you do that including his ‘quick reality check’ technique, which can help you be present and stay present in the now instead of worrying about the regrets of the past and unknowns of the future.

This episode is for all mums and parents who want to make every moment with their children count. I hope you find it helpful. Please know that I’m here for you so do reach out via email at zoe@motherkind.co or over on Instagram.

You can download a transcript of this week’s episode here.

Key Takeaways From This Week’s Episode:

The Good or Bad:

• A lot of people are projecting fear into the future because of our current situation. (07:21)

• Sandy tells the parable about the wise old man, which teaches us how to refrain from jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst. (07:40)

Internal Conflict:

• As a monk who has done hundreds of detox sessions for over 15 years, Sandy found that conflict is the common denominator in stress, struggle, and suffering. (10:03)

• This internal conflict requires resistance and attachment. (10:10)

• If we’re attached, we start getting stressed; if we’re resistant, we start creating negative emotions. (10:26)

Letting Go of Expectations:

• One of the main problems is we get caught up in the stories we make up in our heads, thinking that it is the reality. (11:50)

• We lose the magic and joy when we get stuck with our mental vision of what should be happening right now. (12:42)

• The ideological standard in motherhood is made up. Still, mums tend to put so much pressure on themselves. (13:47)

Motherhood and Made-Up Standards:

• If we’re in a ‘have to’ or ‘should’ or ‘must’ state, we’re in a lack of choice. (15:51)

• To switch from ‘have to’ to ‘choose to’ is to remind yourself that you are choosing to do this. (16:01)

• We have to be very mindful of our words because it helps us recognise our choices in motherhood and our life. (17:09)

The Meaning of Mind-Made Walls:

• Real life is what’s happening right now—the immediate. Our imagined life is everything else. (22:28)

• Amidst this global pandemic, we start worrying and get stressed because we leave the moment we’re in. (22:55)

Finding Peace in the Present Moment:

• It’s a habit to think all the time. The mind is always in the past or future. (24:13)

• We are more than our thoughts, emotions, and body. We are permanent and unchanging; therefore, we are already at peace. (24:19)

• Peace is not dependent on circumstances. It is a by-product of where you put your attention. (25:56)

• If you give your undivided attention to the present moment, you reconnect with the aspect of yourself that is already at peace. (26:41)

Children and Being Present:

• Because the baby isn’t thinking, it’s not judging. Because it’s not judging, it’s not resisting and thinking in the past or the future. It’s just present. (28:44)

• When children start getting trained to think, they start relying more on their mind and ego more than the moment and their inner consciousness. (28:53)

• Getting back to peace and the present moment is an inner calling. (30:07)

Being Present in Parenthood:

• Sandy shares a story about his monk friend’s ‘perfectly behaved’ child. (30:26)

• Babies are born in the present moment. If you start overthinking, they feel that and react by playing up to get you back to the present moment. (31:17)

• If peace is present, children feel safe and secure. (32:20)

• The moment they begin to feel unsafe, they will learn strategies very quickly to get your attention. (33:55)

The Path of Least Resistance:

• The unconscious mind will always choose the quickest and most comfortable option. (34:35)

• Peace is not the absence of emotion; it is the absence of suffering. (35:31)

• Children have the appropriate emotion for the moment they’re in. They move from one emotion to the next; they do not dwell as adults do. (36:00)

• Reminiscing, thinking, and judging things perpetuate emotions. (36:41)

• The difference between pain and suffering is thinking. (39:22)

Living in the Moment:

• We’re here for so much more than the average. (40:32)

• We have to be willing for some people not to be comfortable with us being different. (42:00)

• If you want to be present, you have to be ready to explore beyond thoughts, thinking and the mind. (43:17)

• Sandy’s ‘quick reality check’ requires an inner, heightened level of attentiveness to notice something that you previously weren’t aware of. (45:15)

Resources:

• Mind Detox 2.0 Workshop - I’ll be joining Sandy for his online workshop. It’s currently available for 50% off to help provide support during the pandemic.

• This week, Sweaty Betty is supporting the podcast. Get 20% off full-price product with code MOTHERKIND.

• FREEBIES! Find out how you can take control of your life, reconnect to you, and more! Download ‘10 Ways to Reconnect to You’ and our weekly and monthly check-in on Motherkind.co.

• Are you ready to find freedom from guilt? Let me help you find Freedom from Perfectionism if you are a mother who has ever felt not quite enough.

About Sandy:

Sandy Newbigging is a modern-day monk, the creator of the Mind Detox Method (MDM) and the founder of the Mind Detox Academy and Calm Clan. Sandy is also the best-selling author of Body Calm, Mind Calm and Calm Cure. He takes a mind-body-soul approach to health, peace of mind, life and happiness to his courses and workshops.

To learn more about Sandy’s works, you may visit his website. You can also connect with him on his Instagram or Facebook and subscribe to his YouTube channel.