Ep. 98 How to thrive in our new normal with Anita Cleare

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Are you still a working parent through this time of a pandemic? Whether you're working from home or out there as a frontline worker, I’m sure your work has changed along with the childcare landscape.

This week's episode is with Anita Cleare, a parenting expert who has been supporting working parents for seventeen years. She talks about what children need right now (hint: it isn’t more time) and what we need to do as parents. Anita also shares valuable tips on how to transition from being at work to then coming into parenting.

I'm really excited to bring this conversation to you. I hope it's going to be really supportive. As always the conversation continues over on Instagram, so once you’ve listened to the episode, do come and join me there.

You can download a transcript of this week’s episode here.

Key Takeaways From This Week’s Episode:

Challenges of Full-Time Working Parents:

• Today, people want to be good parents while working all the time. (11:03)

• Being tired from work while managing your children's emotions can be tough. (11:09)

• Parents have to be realistic in managing their time. (11:22)

Advice to Work-from-Home Parents:

• Don't try to do everything. Be reasonable, flexible, and realistic in setting your expectations to yourself and your children. (12:28)

• Take into account your children's needs and behaviour when you're working. (13:23)

Communicating with Your Partner:

• Dividing parts of the day in childcare can help both parents in managing their work and parenting. (14:12)

• Communicate and negotiate a fair deal with your partner in scheduling parenting responsibilities. (14:40)

Anita’s Traffic Light System:

• Anita’s traffic light system on her door has three colours: red, amber and green. Tune in to the full episode if you want to know what they mean! (16:18)

• Providing signals and communicating with your children give them a chance to do what's right. (16:41)

• Set some clear rules and expectations about what they should be doing. (16:59)

• Give them positive reinforcement when they're doing the right things. (17:09)

Shifting from Professional Mode to Parenting Mode:

• Change your mindset from being task-centred at work to being playful when you're with the kids. (19:09)

• Be in the moment when you're with children. Tune in, be empathetic and be playful. (19:41)

• Anita recommends using the visualization strategy. Listen to the full episode to find out how to do this! (20:19)

• Having the ability to shift yourself quickly prevents you from colliding with your children's mindset. (21:22)

Quick Ways to Connect with Your Children:

• The polar opposite of working is playing, so play with your children. (22:03)

• Find at least 15 minutes just to play wholeheartedly. (22:37)

• Find activities or games you and your children can enjoy. (22:57)

Quality Moments vs Quality Time:

• Rather than focusing on the amount of time spent with your children, give them quality moments. (24:29)

• Signal to your children your availability by being responsive and playful. Be present with them. (24:49)

• Don't treat your children like a problem that needs solving. (25:48)

Setting Appropriate Expectations to Your Children:

• Don't be frightened of your children's emotions. Manage your response and be emotionally articulate. (28:28)

• Support and accept your children's emotions. Teach them to ride and manage their feelings. (28:56)

• Children must develop the ability to rise to challenges by themselves. Parents should not take away their problems. (29:47)

Managing Children's Feelings During Self-Isolation:

• When children's routines change, they become insecure, and their emotions would likely come out. (33:29)

• Acknowledge and give their emotions a name. (34:02)

• Allow your children to manage their emotions rather than doing the emotional work for them. (34:28)

Managing Sibling Conflicts:

• Praise your children when they are doing the right things rather than focusing on them when they're not. (35:27)

• Set clear rules. (36:13)

• Siblings’ bickering is a habitual behaviour, so give them positive reinforcements until it leads them to the right behaviour. (37:22)

Managing Parental Stress:

• Even five minutes of self-care can lead to a significant change. (38:38)

• Talk to your children calmly about your rules. Invite them into problem-solving and provide consequences. With this, children can have some sense of ownership in the process. (39:08)

Managing Boredom:

• Boredom is good for children. It is that little lull before imagination and creativity happen. (42:15)

• Create an engaging environment and give them some exciting materials when they have free time. (43:03)

• Use technology strategically. (44:18)

Resources

• This week, Sweaty Betty is supporting the podcast. Get 20% off full-price product with code MOTHERKIND.

• Are you ready to find freedom from guilt? Let me help you find Freedom from Perfectionism if you are a mother who has ever felt not quite enough.

• FREEBIES! Find out how you can take control of your life, reconnect to you, and more! Download ‘10 Ways to Reconnect to You’ and our weekly and monthly check-in on Motherkind.co.

• Anita has a book coming out in a few weeks called The Work/Parent Switch.

• P.E. with Joe

About Anita:

Anita Cleare is a parenting coach, writer and speaker. She supports parents in balancing their careers with parenting. She also helps them understand their children’s development and reflect on their dynamics with their kids.

Check out Anita’s blog, Thinking Parenting. To connect with her, follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.